Screen Survivor Gifts

... and I'd suggest you take more frequent breaks from your computer.

A tourist watches a television on the back of a donkey

"I find it so stimulating to learn new software."

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

'And in conclusion.'

That's not the reaction I was going for. Let me try to put a different spin on it.

Frank was famous for his anti-inflammatory rhetoric.

"Mom, what's the password to access dad?"

"No you are not ok! Tell me what's wrong! You've been sitting for two minutes without checking your phone!"

'I like the way you handle responsibility, Mac, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"Thanks for the offer... but I'd rather see if tech support can get my computer running."

Boy at Computer.

"Whatever the politicians might decide, I'm well prepared because I've got enough hate comments for the next five years!"

"It just doesn't seem right. Ever since the new system upgrade nothing is where it used to be!"

"It's a weak pilot, but, if your stick with it, by Season 3 you grow completely numb to the show's quality and just keep hitting Next Episode."

'He's not hurt. He's just really, really cold.'

"I took two lessons before I released my first album."

Bored Meeting

MR. CRENSHAW, TIME FOR OUR TELECONFERENCE

"Is this the queue for Funworld?"

Man stuck on desert island with WiFi router.

"We're all together watching television, but we're not all watching television together."

'it enables the modern family to gather around a table and dine together.'

'And that pretty much sums it up.'

'I would like to find at least ONE bar that isn't a meat market.'

Terms and Conditions

"This insanity app is really driving me crazy."

"And, it would also help us attract the best babysitters."

A holiday maker greets a castaway

Why they're called 'bullet points'.

Eraserhead

'I said, now I know why they call you 'Lucky'!'

"Today's training will be mainly about how to pretend to stay awake and interested while watching a really dull presentation."

"I can honestly say I feel really refreshed after that presentation. I slept all the way through it!"

"I'm raising four kids, a husband, three pets and I work. This is nothing."