Scratched Survivor T-Shirts

"I see you've met and pet Fluffy."

"Hey, you stick your neck out on a regular basis, it's gonna happen. The important thing is to just get up and keep moving forward."

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"I can't believe it! In all my years in corporate business, yours must be the worst case of paper cuts I have ever seen."

"I love what you've done to the place."

'Look at the bright side. Think of our mutual funds going up, up, up!'

Gymnast tangled up.

"I admit - as papercuts go it's quite a serious one."

'I sure hope you're a marriage counselor.'

"Recently separated."

"Poor guy..he just got a 'Dear John' fax!"

A marooned man builds a swing set from his lone palm tree.

'Really?... I'm a cat person too.'

"...He's been going to work in a wheelie bin. He says its quicker, cleaner and less cramped"

"Did you know that cats can give paw?"

'Don't be mad, I'm just following your instructions.'

Sock hell

'The tide goes out along way, doesn't it?'

'I said, now I know why they call you 'Lucky'!'

'You're trying to hail a taxi?... Are you insane? You'll never get one at this time of day!'

"I want you to leave and take your headlong slide into oblivion with you."

A holiday maker greets a castaway

'LAND!'

"I'd say my number-one issue is getting off the island, and then, after that, probably health care."

"I'm sorry, but I believe I'm now way out of your network."

"I'm raising four kids, a husband, three pets and I work. This is nothing."

By subjecting himself to increasingly higher jolts of electricity over many months, Tom hoped to become immune to lightning strikes while playing golf.

Cactus with tap.

'Am I pleased to see you - have you got a light?'

Never give up! Unless it's really h.....

Laundromat has a bin for trash & one for unmatched socks

'No need for that. I owe taxes, they'll find us!'

'Man's best friend. Hah!'

Those who play with cats must expect to be scratched.