Scratching Survivors T-Shirts

"I love what you've done to the place."

"Hey, you stick your neck out on a regular basis, it's gonna happen. The important thing is to just get up and keep moving forward."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"What next?" "Don't tell me."

Ereptile Dysfunction

'What a day! My secretary was out, our biggest customer canceled a large order, the computer broke down, I didn't have any lunch, and leaving work I got stuck for an hour in the elevator with an 18 year old nympho with big breasts!'

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

'When I said we should see other people, I didn't mean starting tonight.'

Gymnast tangled up.

'What are you doing trying to tempt me?? I told you I was through with you!!'

"I've been getting the most intense workouts since I taped a picture of my ex on the heavy bag!"

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"If you ask me, we're better off without her."

'My advice? Dump him! There are plenty more fish in the sea...'

"Recently separated."

'I'm sorry Sandy, but it'll never work out. We're just Poles apart.'

"Poor guy..he just got a 'Dear John' fax!"

A marooned man builds a swing set from his lone palm tree.

"You've come to the right lawyer. I not only do divorces, I also specialise in bankruptcy proceedings."

"Thanks, but do you have anything stronger than 'have a nice day'?"

'I don't think that it's going to work out between us.'

"I just bought these smart headphones for parents. They mute all sarcastic remarks and complaining from my kids. I programmed them to do the same for my husband."

"The bathroom window is wide open. I don't think she's coming back."

"...He's been going to work in a wheelie bin. He says its quicker, cleaner and less cramped"

'This is the fourth single woman to attack the Valentine's display this week.'

Attendance Has Dropped

'Oh, Ran-dee! Wakey-wakeys! You're doing a triple bypass on Mrs. Pacala at 8:30. Re-mem-ber? Out of bed, Mr. Lazy Bones!'

'Really?... I'm a cat person too.'

Sock hell

'Then he told me - To know him was to love him. That's when I dumped him.'

"I want you to leave and take your headlong slide into oblivion with you."

Ace Apartments: Absolutely NO beekeeping!

"It's no bed of mice and string for me either."

"You have a giant rip in your pants."