Scar Survivor T-Shirts

"Relax, eventually the scar will disappear!"

Desert Island BBQ

"I find it so stimulating to learn new software."

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

Dieting Motivation.

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

"No you are not ok! Tell me what's wrong! You've been sitting for two minutes without checking your phone!"

'I like the way you handle responsibility, Mac, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

'Aches! Pains! Fever! I'm going to call tech support.'

... and I'd suggest you take more frequent breaks from your computer.

"It's a weak pilot, but, if your stick with it, by Season 3 you grow completely numb to the show's quality and just keep hitting Next Episode."

"I took two lessons before I released my first album."

"God it was rough coming into the office this morning after the awards ceremony" "It must have been, you work two doors down"

"I'm afraid there's just so far you can go with street smarts."

'He's not hurt. He's just really, really cold.'

"An exclusive group. Each survived three scandals and was re-elected."

"New Year's Eve just isn't the same anymore!"

You're too young to be worrying about SAT tests. But I have to score well to get a good job someday. In the real world, no one hires people who're only good at multiple choice questions. Actually, Nana

Terms and Conditions

'I said, now I know why they call you 'Lucky'!'

'If you didn't have a hangover you'd have one now...!!'

'I'm celebrating, I came from my teenagers birthday party and survived,'

A holiday maker greets a castaway

Work Meeting Rules

"I'm raising four kids, a husband, three pets and I work. This is nothing."

"Wow. You weren't kidding, that movie was terrible. Ok, I'll give you those two hours of your life back."

Mindfulness meditation vs. Mindfulness scrolling.

Man following advice on preventing sea-sickness but becoming sea-sick anyway

Those who play with cats must expect to be scratched.

"Isn't this a sequel?"

'Noisemakers are not welcome the morning after a party.'

Coping with sarcasm aimed at your toupee.