Scratch Dodger Gifts

"Scratching the infected area will only make it worse, Mr Bonaparte!"

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

Portrait sweating above a fireplace

'Maybe I haven't made myself clear enough. I really don't want to be disturbed today!'

"Never go to a church during a hurricane. They only provide shelter from taxes."

"I did it Dad! I ran all the way home and beat the rain!"

'Isn't it time you got over your silly fear of water?'

Election Cancelling Headphones

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

"Do you mind? Look what you made me do!"

"Are you listening to me?"

'If you don't stop interrupting me with your phone calls, we're never going to finish our face to face meeting.'

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

"A high-powered career, a happy family, a big beautiful house: my dream is to avoid it all."

'Do you mind? I'm trying to read.'

What's the matter, Emily? Jeremy the jerk dumped me. I can't take it. My whole insides hurt. You'll be better off without him. Thanks, Twig. Youre lucky you didn't fall in love. Sigh. I wish I had a broken heart!

"If you don't want to know the result of the united game then look away now"

"This is definitely the last time for Chapter Seventeen!"

'I know I shouldn't bite, but I keep thinking about that poor slob up there...hot, tired, hungry...'

'I think I'm going to have to hide the bathroom scale from your mother.'

'Oh hey Dan, remember how I said we were gonna go camping this week? Well then it started to rain, and I noticed your empty garage here, so...'

As the summer drew to a close, Mrs. Bank's back-to-school nightmares progressed from a class of her worst students, to a class of their parents.

"Accursed global warming!"

'That's it, Darlene -- conserve your energy for the final lap! Stay right in her draft!'

"Be careful with your third wish. Another book you might already have read would be a bummer."

'Now I know why they call you Cinderella... You're always running away from the ball.'

"Now that the person chewing gum so loudly has finally stopped, perhaps we can all pay attention to what I'm doing here."

'I like to take one day at a time.' - 'Trouble is you're three weeks behind.'

"I can't open the spreadsheet. I'm having technical difficulties."

'Phone-b-gone, gets rid of unwanted phones.'

'It's thundering, dad. Can I get under the bed with you?'

'Great news! Your father's got a job.'