Scratch Dodger Gifts

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

Portrait sweating above a fireplace

'Maybe I haven't made myself clear enough. I really don't want to be disturbed today!'

'Isn't it time you got over your silly fear of water?'

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

Election Cancelling Headphones

"Never go to a church during a hurricane. They only provide shelter from taxes."

"I did it Dad! I ran all the way home and beat the rain!"

"Are you listening to me?"

'If you don't stop interrupting me with your phone calls, we're never going to finish our face to face meeting.'

"A high-powered career, a happy family, a big beautiful house: my dream is to avoid it all."

'Do you mind? I'm trying to read.'

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

"This is definitely the last time for Chapter Seventeen!"

'Oh hey Dan, remember how I said we were gonna go camping this week? Well then it started to rain, and I noticed your empty garage here, so...'

'I know I shouldn't bite, but I keep thinking about that poor slob up there...hot, tired, hungry...'

As the summer drew to a close, Mrs. Bank's back-to-school nightmares progressed from a class of her worst students, to a class of their parents.

'I think I'm going to have to hide the bathroom scale from your mother.'

'Now I know why they call you Cinderella... You're always running away from the ball.'

"Accursed global warming!"

'That's it, Darlene -- conserve your energy for the final lap! Stay right in her draft!'

"Be careful with your third wish. Another book you might already have read would be a bummer."

"Now that the person chewing gum so loudly has finally stopped, perhaps we can all pay attention to what I'm doing here."

"I can't open the spreadsheet. I'm having technical difficulties."

'It's thundering, dad. Can I get under the bed with you?'

'Phone-b-gone, gets rid of unwanted phones.'

'I like to take one day at a time.' - 'Trouble is you're three weeks behind.'

"Bad news...you don't have a deadly disease. You've got to go back to work."

'Great news! Your father's got a job.'