Draft Dodger Gifts

"This is definitely the last time for Chapter Seventeen!"

'That's it, Darlene -- conserve your energy for the final lap! Stay right in her draft!'

Darren had lost his edge as a 'yes' man...

How lazy people decide what to eat

"When you hear me begin talking about our lousy sales figures, you guys create a distraction."

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

'Refusing to fill in a psychometric test reveals a lot about you, Jones.'

"Do I get to lawyer up before I see the Principal?"

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

"I'm the designated driver."

"Scratching the infected area will only make it worse, Mr Bonaparte!"

"The answer is NO!"

"Thanks for the offer... but I'd rather see if tech support can get my computer running."

"Make up your mind - will you or won't you?"

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

Procrastinator's Leap.

Bring your dog to work day - let someone else make the big decisions.

'Sorry, I can't talk now, Mr. Harris, I'm texting right now! I'll take whatever punishment you want to give me.'

"I've had custom reading glasses made that blot out the words 'brexit' and 'royal.'"

"If you wouldn't book hotels with such great amenities, I wouldn't miss so many seminars."

NBA Vampire

"If you don't want to know the result of the united game then look away now"

'Forget the test Mrs. Winslow. Let's send out for pizza!'

"Heads we go with the analytics. Tails we don't."

Personnel. The gap in my resume is when I got turned out on my back for six months.

"Up to now, I feel my childhood experience has been a very positive one! Why spoil it with some silly rules?"

'No need to put my details in darlin'... You're the girl for me!'

"I'm had a miserable day, so I'd appreciate it if neither of you mention politics, wildfires or COVID."

"Mom, don't believe it. It's Fake News."

"How's your substitute history teacher, Baldo?"

As the summer drew to a close, Mrs. Bank's back-to-school nightmares progressed from a class of her worst students, to a class of their parents.

"Just you wait 'till your father comes home!"

"No, you may not request a change of venue."

"I've never been in there. Most of my down-time is spent in the Principal's office."