Numbers Dodger Gifts

"When you hear me begin talking about our lousy sales figures, you guys create a distraction."

Fear of news.

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

"For the last time - do not call me when I'm pretending to work."

Mary had a little spam

Minefield! Thank you for treading carefully.

'I won't be taking any more calls today. I threw my phone out the window.'

"Knowing two languages is sure handy when telemarketers call."

"I think I'll pass - I'm having a really bad-nose day."

"I'm the designated driver."

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

'I find the easiest way to expand my vocabulary is to make up words.'

"Arithmetic doesn't agree with me."

Bureaucracy (Murphy's law)

"Sorry, I'm afraid he can't come to the phone right now."

"Can you send me a text so I can use it as a ruse to get out of this conversation?"

Trying to come up with yet another password...

"If you don't wish to hear the match result look away now."

"If it's the ice princess, I'm not here."

"If you don't want to know the result of the united game then look away now"

'No need to put my details in darlin'... You're the girl for me!'

"Yeah, almost didn't make it out of that one."

'That's why your checkbook balance looks so good. You sent all of your online bills to the junk file.'

'The person you called may be toying with the olive in her cocktail, please try again later.'

Double-glazing salesman's spiel sends household to sleep.

"This is definitely the last time for Chapter Seventeen!"

You are here... ...Run!!!

'Darling, I've just deleted the computer,'

'Does the Fifth Amendment apply to report cards?'

'Thought Bubble Gum: 'Oh no! ... I'm going to get words all over my face!''

'After a close examination I think I know why Tabatha keeps wandering onto busy roads.'

'That's it, Darlene -- conserve your energy for the final lap! Stay right in her draft!'

Cycling Deaths

'The poor lamb's having a rest, Mum, exhausted after putting a new toilet roll on the holder...'

"Slammed the door in your face, huh? Guess she really meant that NO SOLICITORS sign!"