Injury Dodger Gifts

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

I'm writing the Great American novel, one bill at a time.

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

"If you miss a payment, we show up and embarrass you in front of your friends."

Hear me, Graduates!

"When you hear me begin talking about our lousy sales figures, you guys create a distraction."

"I know it's not in our nature, but we really gotta stop charging everything."

Financial Advisor. The next time you let your inner child out to play, don't let him play with your credit cards.

"Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember . . ."

It's an I-O-Ewe.

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

"For the last time - do not call me when I'm pretending to work."

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

Kicking The Habit

Updated Proverbs. We come into the world with nothing. And leave deeply in debt!

'So, who's first?'

'It will take all my nine lives to pay off my student loans.'

'Maybe I haven't made myself clear enough. I really don't want to be disturbed today!'

"Whoops! There go those darned interest rates again!"

'Financial suicide hotline. How may I help you?'

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

"Do I get to lawyer up before I see the Principal?"

'Hello, Ma'am. I'm a college graduate selling vacuum cleaners door to door to help pay for the fortune I borrowed to take a course that had nothing to do with selling vacuums... and how are you doing?'

'We had a white Christmas but we'll be in the red until April.'

'Money doesn't have wings, feet or wings. My dad says that nevertheless, it disappears with the speed of light.'