Scratch Card Sleuth Gifts

Couple with a scratch card - 'Wow! We haven't won a free holiday...'

"What did you think of the encryption article?"

We have a problem with your research. We're Encyclopedia Britannica and you're Wikipedia.

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

If at first you don't succeed call it version 1.0

Help!!! I've been kidnapped - Your Money.

'Is it one moo for yes two moos for no?'

'Today, the market did the 'Ol' Dipsy, but recovered in the 'Doodle'.'

"Have you been scratching this?"

'It's something to do with a Microsoft copyright infringement.'

"...Software upgrade provides a seamless transition from simple functionality to multi-platform confusion, chaos and frustration..."

'Oh my God! You look like you've see the FTSE.'

"Our stock is down. Start some rumors on Wall Street that it's going up."

"With me everything is 'scratch and sniff'."

'OK... Technically you CAN touch your toes.'

'This morning a rumor that we would buy the Arpex Corp drove our stock up $3. Around noon a rumor that Arpex would buy us drove it up another $3. And in the afternoon a rumor that wo have nothing to do with Arpex drove it up $3 more.'

Cryptologists Anonymous

"This can't be soup....where are all the little letters that usually float in it?"

'Well the GOOD news is that the new software analyzed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product...'

'Always bought low.'

'Tech support says your anti-virus software did not catch the problem since it is not a virus. It's a bacterium.'

"But sir, you may think you want underwear, but your internet consumer profile says you want a jet ski."

'Your acceptance is tentative until we can rule on the question of your knowingly using pirated software.'

'We never act on market rumors until they pass the 'squelch' test.'

He crash tests software.

'Ok, one of y'all has x-ray vision! Which one? Tell me!'

'The cat's finishing off your sudoku again.'

Mental Breakdown

'The cat does like having something to scratch.'

"'Fancy a shag', I think this one is from Dwayne!"

'Pssst...hey, buddy, I got the good stuff for all your urban farming needs!'

'Hey, remember me? I was the broker who told you to sell everything when the stock market was down.'

'Which stocks should I invest in to profit from this 'Armageddon' you keep talking about?'

"I know the stock you purchased is down 90 percent and management filed for bankruptcy but let's not read too much into that."

"Just how many shares of this stock did you buy?"