School System Critique Gifts

'It'll mean I won't have to see the kids during our long periods of recess.'

Do you have to write the 5 paragraph essays to be a rich investment banker? Or rock star? Or famous actress? No. No. And no. Then why learn to write one? So when those jobs don't work out

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"I don't mind them counting the days 'til school's out, but I wish they wouldn't do it on their fingers."

'You're being evacuated to a better catchment area.'

Go to M.I.T., they said. You'll do great things, they said.

'Oh no! The sharp elbowed middle class!'

'My father says, these intelligence tests are biased towards the intelligent.'

'Remind me again, Dad. Why did you want me to get that college degree?'

"They make us learn reading, writing, and arithmetic to prepare us for a world of videotapes, computer terminals and calculators."

Cover Design for the Savoy (No. 7)- the Eternal Problem of Youth and Pedantry

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

'Going to school is NOT an abusive relationship!'

'Ms. Peters, hold all calls. I'm busy implementing yet another hastily conceived and unproven education innovation.'

"What did I learn in school today...I learned I don't like school!"

"I won't do the 'What I did on my summer vacation' assignment. I consider it a privacy issue."

Remembering the words of his 8th grade Algebra teacher, Moose bought his old middle school and made a mockery out of it.

Cutting Room Floor

'Dad said that experience is the best teacher, so I cut school and went to the video arcade.'

"What is the battle cry for homeschoolers?" Kids: "Go Home!"

"I don't want your teacher to think a kid with grades this bad....could possibly have a father who could read or write."

"Why do I have to work hard at school? I can buy a degree on the internet!"

Grading Guidelines.

'No darling, it's not a programme about choice of schools.'

'If we could just get rid of a few of these lecturers and students, we'd have a great university on our hands.'

David Cameron Parenting Classes: 'After registering them for Eton the next most important thing is selecting the right nanny!'

"I see you graduated Summa Cum Laude, but then didn't your whole graduating class."

"Compulsory education is a myth. We may be compelled to teach, but very few of them are compelled to learn."

'This is just my part in the growing crisis in education.'

'I would probably do a lot better if you would just teach me stuff I already know.'

Standardized Testing

"Studies show teens get sleepy later than adults and need more sleep. We should start the school day later..."