School Survival Strategist Gifts

'Angry parents on lines 1,2,3,4 and 5.'

'I would have got a better grade but the student I always copy from was absent.'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

School. Report Card. You couldn't name the presidents and flunked history? Yeah -- It's not what you know, it's who you know.

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

65 Million Years Ago

"By reading my note, you acknowledge having read and agreed to my Privacy Policy and Terms of Use."

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

"Where are redactions when you need them?"

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

Will eat your homework for $.

'I was thinking-what if the tide's OUT?'

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

'Can I hand in my report tomorrow. Ms. D'Amato? I haven't finished reading the book. I've been too busy coloring it.'

'I'm reporting you to the Department of Education!'

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

'I know Lazarus software retrieves lost data, but I don't think it helps when your dog eats your homework.'

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

'I hate evolution!'

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

Prepper Dog

The trap

"All right, what's it going to take to make this homework go away?"

"We were running late, so my mom faxed me to school."

'On the other hand, if I never finish anything I can't be a complete failure...'

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

'Straying from the subject, Danny, is not distance learning.'

"Back to school can bring on the summertime blues."

'Stewart, why is the handwriting on your mom's last two attendance notes different?'