Survival Strategizer Gifts

"Did you happen to catch the last season of 'Lost'?"

"Sorry, Steve, but Brad and I have voted you off the island."

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

65 Million Years Ago

'I was thinking-what if the tide's OUT?'

'Rubbing sticks together was a great idea. After 40 minutes, I'm so warm I don't need a fire!'

'I hate evolution!'

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

Prepper Dog

The trap

"Why can't we just have a normal home security system like the neighbours."

'Well, that's simplified the mission statement.'

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

"You will note that their ability to comprehend, assess and process information increases dramatically when Professor Podhertz throws in the cat."

Look on the bright side, at least we're keeping our heads above water

"Well, they're circling counter-clockwise, so we must be in the southern hemisphere."

"Just junk mail."

"Have you figured out what the powers of that new super hero will be? How about the power to meet deadlines? That would be a good power?"

Another thing is that it's really cool in the summer!

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

'Just when you think things can't get any worse, it starts to rain.'

'Michelle, this is your brother, Paul, do you copy? Over...Paul to Michelle, do you read me?...'

"Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you?" "Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees." "Well, I'd like to have How to Get Off an Island, by Archie Macguyver." "That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness." "We really should have our own book review show."

By camouflaging himself, Ed was able to avoid being a victim of the company's massive layoffs.

'Some more great camouflage of the insect world.'

'Look, thanks for your concern, but I think a flood is something we can cope with!'

'No thank you, I'm on a diet: I've noticed that the fat ones disappear first...'

'I think it's for compliance with some Federal safety regulation.'

'Another one. Do you realize that will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

'It isn't just you, Wally. We've all been put on the endangered species list.'

Come with me. Things are tough around here and somebody may want to eat you.

"Oh, we never shoot the messenger. But we'd take away his access codes."

"Well, at least he was tasty."