Survival Strategy Fan Gifts

'Look, thanks for your concern, but I think a flood is something we can cope with!'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

65 Million Years Ago

"But I won't bore you with the all too familiar story of a dictator's rise to absolute power,"

"Ticket and passport, please."

'I was thinking-what if the tide's OUT?'

'I hate evolution!'

The trap

"My God—I've forgotten the number of my Swiss bank account!"

Prepper Dog

"Dig deep! C'mon! You got this!"

What? I had to fire our flare gun at him before he fired his flare gun at us!

"Has it occurred to you one of us might be a mirage?"

"Graveyards always put me ill at ease."

They had no idea what they were doing, but it didn't matter...

"It looks like a pitch for a survival-themed reality show."

Memo Mania

"You will note that their ability to comprehend, assess and process information increases dramatically when Professor Podhertz throws in the cat."

Need tickets.

'I envisioned something more robust'

"What if I told you that everything you knew about slowly going insane on a desert island was wrong?"

"Just junk mail."

Artificial intelligence trying to make it on its own.

I don't know … some days it all feels like a big game.

"Well, they're circling counter-clockwise, so we must be in the southern hemisphere."

'I know you're doing your best, but I'm getting awfully tired of cream of coconut soup.'

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

No Loitering

By camouflaging himself, Ed was able to avoid being a victim of the company's massive layoffs.

'Some more great camouflage of the insect world.'

"Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you?" "Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees." "Well, I'd like to have How to Get Off an Island, by Archie Macguyver." "That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness." "We really should have our own book review show."

'Michelle, this is your brother, Paul, do you copy? Over...Paul to Michelle, do you read me?...'