School Survival Expert Gifts

'I wish every teacher came with a warning label.'

"I have a classroom full of rude, undisciplined rowdies! I hate parent-teacher night!"

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

The full moon frenzy strikes again."

'Yes, grammar rules do evolve over time, but making up your own to 'stay ahead of the curve' won't work in this English class!'

Examinations.

'Does the Fifth Amendment apply to report cards?'

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

"Where are redactions when you need them?"

"You said mindfulness could help us do well on the test, so I filled it up with as much as I could last night."

"There's an app that helped me finish grades 3 through 7. If you need me, I'll be in my room playing video games for the next few years."

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

'Will Mr. 'No Comment' please remain after class.'

Biology Revision - Arse / elbow.

"I enjoy the one day of the school year...that I didn't forget to do my homework."

"The first day of school. Yes sir. A day to make new friends. A day to mark new beginnings. A day to discover everyone but you has grown three feet over the summer."

'Life isn't fair and neither is Miss Brown!'

'I'm reporting you to the Department of Education!'

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

'I know Lazarus software retrieves lost data, but I don't think it helps when your dog eats your homework.'

"The school year is officially over, and the teachers won."

That's actually the gorilla survival manoeuvre. . .

'Want to hear something scary? This is the third time this week I've gotten off the bus and still remember what I've learned.'

'Rubbing sticks together was a great idea. After 40 minutes, I'm so warm I don't need a fire!'

'Any child left longer than ten minutes past last bell will be given a free kitten.'

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

"And to finally break free from the crippling burden of my student loans."

"And what did my little darling do in school today?"

"So this is it...the first day of the new school year. I guess studying, tests and report cards are still the hot things around here."

'On the other hand, if I never finish anything I can't be a complete failure...'

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

'Straying from the subject, Danny, is not distance learning.'

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

'Hmmm, everyone seems to have prepared for the exam except for Thomas who's making a long face now.'

'The only thing I'm sure of is death and taxes and home work.'