School Survivor Gifts

The Berlitz Guide to Parent-Teacher Conferences

'Want to hear something scary? This is the third time this week I've gotten off the bus and still remember what I've learned.'

'Who wrote this Perkins? You or Google!'

Classrooms - 'Math' and 'Aftermath'.

'Yes, grammar rules do evolve over time, but making up your own to 'stay ahead of the curve' won't work in this English class!'

'You have to STUDY for tests, dummy -- you can't just put a memory stick in your ear!'

Biology Revision - Arse / elbow.

Examinations.

'Will Mr. 'No Comment' please remain after class.'

'They're jumping up and down on the couch in there.'

What makes you think the rest of the class doesn't like you, Jones?

A veteran of hundreds o parent-teacher conferences, fifth grade teacher Sheila Wurtz was prepared for anything.'

'Don't worry, the first thirty years of teaching are the hardest.'

'I didn't realize my mom thought so much of our school. . . she's been thanking God for it everyday lately.'

'They put me in the slow class - NOW who am I supposed to copy from?'

Broken ankle.

'What I called creative recycling the school called plagiarism.'

'I can't wait to grow up and get a job so I don't have to bring work home.'

"What did I learn in school today...I learned I don't like school!"

"Oh no...that's the third substitute teacher this month!"

'I didn't do well in geography. I guess you had to be there.'

"It's been a stressful school year."

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

The Difference Between Kindergarten and Middle School

'Sorry for being so cranky. I underslept again.'

"Enjoy the holidays...don't come back."

Don't you hate finding out that the kid you copied those test answers from is even dumber than you are.

'The only thing I'm sure of is death and taxes and home work.'

"Mom told me not to bring home another bad report card. Help me bury this."

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

'Of course you've seen that essay done before. I'm repeating the fifth grade.'

'No, you don't have fever. You have to go to school.'

"Miss Wythenshawe? Can I leave early, my brain is full."

"First you said 'Don't bring home a bad report card', Then you ask to see it. Make up your mind."

'Hmmm, everyone seems to have prepared for the exam except for Thomas who's making a long face now.'