School Survivors Gifts

Please wait to be yelled at.

"I must be out of memory"

'I don't mind school, except the part between welcome back and have a nice summer.'

'I'll never get out of the third grade -- They keep raising the retirement age.'

Teacher to student with spots: 'Tests make you nervous and break out in what?'

"O.K., Summer Breaks is over. Back to hell."

'It's a moat.'

"School is a lot like life. It's hours and hours of boredom...interrupted by the occasional moment of panic."

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

The full moon frenzy strikes again."

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

'Yes, grammar rules do evolve over time, but making up your own to 'stay ahead of the curve' won't work in this English class!'

Examinations.

"There's an app that helped me finish grades 3 through 7. If you need me, I'll be in my room playing video games for the next few years."

"You said mindfulness could help us do well on the test, so I filled it up with as much as I could last night."

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

"Where are redactions when you need them?"

'Will Mr. 'No Comment' please remain after class.'

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

Biology Revision - Arse / elbow.

"I enjoy the one day of the school year...that I didn't forget to do my homework."

"The first day of school. Yes sir. A day to make new friends. A day to mark new beginnings. A day to discover everyone but you has grown three feet over the summer."

'I know Lazarus software retrieves lost data, but I don't think it helps when your dog eats your homework.'

'I'm reporting you to the Department of Education!'

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

"The school year is officially over, and the teachers won."

'Life isn't fair and neither is Miss Brown!'

'Want to hear something scary? This is the third time this week I've gotten off the bus and still remember what I've learned.'

"If nothing else, school has prepared me for a lifetime of backpacking."

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

"So this is it...the first day of the new school year. I guess studying, tests and report cards are still the hot things around here."

"And to finally break free from the crippling burden of my student loans."

"And what did my little darling do in school today?"

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

'On the other hand, if I never finish anything I can't be a complete failure...'