Survival Expert Gifts

'Rubbing sticks together was a great idea. After 40 minutes, I'm so warm I don't need a fire!'

'Just when you think things can't get any worse, it starts to rain.'

"Of course, feel free to get a second opinion."

Message in a bottle.

Desert Island Toothpicks

'Wow, it's lucky he shot at you with a rifle and not a shotgun, otherwise, you would have been a goner...'

Desert Island being circled by sharks.

'Unreal - six days and he's stronger than ever - the guy's an absolute camel!'

"Now do you understand why we offer cash, a vacation and other incentives to babysit him?"

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

'I'm so bored - nothing ever happens around here!'

65 Million Years Ago

Goldfish bowl on raft...

"Hmm...I can see a best-selling book and a movie deal out of this..."

'Being stuck on a desert island is one thing, but being struck on a desert island with a hoarder...'

Desert Island Mishap

"Always carry a ball with you! If you are chased by a dog, stop, show the ball and throw it. Believe me, he won't be able to resist chasing it instead of you..."

'I was thinking-what if the tide's OUT?'

"Hoora! I made it through another day!"

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

That's actually the gorilla survival manoeuvre. . .

'I hate evolution!'

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

Help! Send fishing tackle!

The trap

'Go and hunt for your own lunch. Who do you think I am, Ray Mears?!'

Prepper Dog

"We've got a problem."

'Not likely - the last time I went in one of those, it sank!'

Man on desert island using elastic to shoot him off the island.