School Support Squad Gifts

"You must be doing something wrong ... none of your work has any gold stars on it."

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

You wrote a book report on a video game instruction manual?

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'It's a tough call but I'm going to side with your parents, if for no other reason, because they can sue and you can't.'

"I guess it took a pandemic to make me realize school is better than trying to learn stuff online."

'Jerry's 'old school'.'

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

'Thank you for the apple Conrad. But in answer to your question, no, you may not address me as 'Boopsie'.'

'146 days of leadership without any negative press.'

"She's the best nit nurse this school has ever seen."

'Oooh, Jimmy, the teacher put another throwing star on your paper! Great!'

'Quit fooling around, Gog. Do the assignment.'

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."

Patey's in a band! He's so cool!

'Oh, Christ.'

'You failed your Latin exam! But Sweety, it's important to learn Latin: All your friends' names have Latin roots...'

"SUPERintendent! What kind of powers do you have?"

What Sisyphus Learned: "When life gets rough, you sure find out who your friends are!"

"I volunteer for the Samaritans. I tried to phone in sick this morning but they talked me out of it."

"You can do it!"

"Don’t worry. You’re looking at the Frederick H. Tuttle Middle School long-jump champion."

'I know I can train them to be thoughtful productive citizens if I can ever get past sit.'

'The good news is that all the teachers liked the weekend brainstorming retreat. The bad news is that twelve of them are out today with splitting headaches.'

'It's the parents' 4x4x400 metres.'

We pride ourselves on having every type of insurance policy, but report card insurance is a new one to us.

"Spell 'flower'" "F-L-O-W-E-R" "Spell 'onomatopoeia'" "This contest is rigged"

'Boasting bumper stickers.'

"Tests! That's one thing I don't like about the end of school. I can't believe it! You're not finished studying, either?"

"This has been a productive homework session!"

'It's someone from the Society for Ethical Treatment of Principals asking for a donation.'

A Lesson in Leadership: Misplacing your keys isn't a problem, unless you have to enlist the whole school's support to find them.