School Savant Gifts

'I know I can train them to be thoughtful productive citizens if I can ever get past sit.'

'It's an optical illusion. From the front of the room, they're all busy students working on computer projects. From here though they're all busy playing internet games.'

'Yes, I do have a good memory, but I didn't pay attention in class: Can you please help me with my homework?'

'The good news is that all the teachers liked the weekend brainstorming retreat. The bad news is that twelve of them are out today with splitting headaches.'

'Can I bring an attorney with me to open school night?'

'Not only will it help him concentrate, but recent studies have shown that students who take Ritalin are 40 less likely to do drugs.'

'I got a performance indicator of either establishing, developing or emerging!'

'Does the Fifth Amendment apply to report cards?'

'I think prayer in schools is necessary as long as Mrs. Smith gives hard math tests.'

You wrote a book report on a video game instruction manual?

'Who do I talk to about getting a student loan?'

'You could be expelled!' - 'And your Job could be eliminated.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

Where was I?

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

Determined not to make a fool of himself Mitch keeps practicing every dance move for the Annual Office Christmas Party!

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

'I'm reporting you to the Department of Education!'

'I know Lazarus software retrieves lost data, but I don't think it helps when your dog eats your homework.'

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

"I sense a lot more going on with you than 'house-husband."

'Gifted class, indeed. One is gifted in science, but he can't read - one is gifted in reading, but won't even try math...'

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'He's a media consultant. He came with the multimedia software package.'

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

'On the other hand, if I never finish anything I can't be a complete failure...'

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

'You failed your Latin exam! But Sweety, it's important to learn Latin: All your friends' names have Latin roots...'

'Straying from the subject, Danny, is not distance learning.'

'Computers' 'Hardware' 'Software'