School Soothsaying Gifts

'The recurring poor enrollment prognostications plays havoc with our school district's budget. What will next year's enrolment be.'

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'A dog ate my homework.'

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

Pie Filling Reader

Yes, I agree that man is a master of his own destiny but sometimes it helps if you pass algebra.

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

"Coming soon...what I did over summer vacation...the podcast!"

'Spelling, math, history, geography --now the stupid school wants me to take a polygraph test!'

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

Criminal background checks on teachers? How come? To weed out child abusers. Ha! When you taught, you were routinely accused of severe abuse, mother. True. I inflicted the letters "C," "D" and "F" on many of my students. Wow! That's so outlawed.

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

'Here's my report card and here's my personal disclaimer.'

Before becoming the legend that he is today, Nostradamus first enjoyed a pretty good living at the tracks.

'Today, in kindergarten, we learned how to count to one.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist pump."

"Spell 'flower'" "F-L-O-W-E-R" "Spell 'onomatopoeia'" "This contest is rigged"

Protesting man's sign reveals that his credit has run out.

I predict a huge fall followed by a lucrative job offer with a major cake baking company.

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

"I forgot my homework, but there's a video of me doing it on youtube."

'You might not know it now but I used to have some great lesson plans.'

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

"Any kind of election is getting harder to call these days. . ."

'I can see much grief, suffering and misfortune ahead - and you'll always be dogged by extremely bad luck - but, the good news is you're going to live to a very old age!'

'Dad, the teacher said my grades remind her of old times. She says she was your teacher too.'

'What if we don't change at all ... and something magical just happens?'

Noah jumps the gun...and brings down three commandments.

'When I was a student, wireless data transmission meant passing notes in class.'

"My first day of school was good too...this year mom hardly cried at all when I left."

'Mrs. Wingit, what's the secret to teaching middle school for 30 years?'