Silly Soothsayer Gifts

Pie Filling Reader

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

Cheap amusement with... THE HAPPY COUPLE!

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

Witch: 'I've mellowed. Instead of black, do you have a gray cat?'

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

'There is a kid at school who can play 'Jingle Bells' with his farts. That is impressive because flatulence is a difficult medium.'

The Gong

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

"Professor Zlata! You're just in time to be the planet Neptune!"

Before becoming the legend that he is today, Nostradamus first enjoyed a pretty good living at the tracks.

Protesting man's sign reveals that his credit has run out.

How the Easter Bunny lets everyone know where the naughty kids live.

Hazardous substance - ignitable, corrosive, reactive, toxic, real smelly, yucchy.

Did you know that hawks can travel 250 miles without flapping? Big deal. So can I.

End of world nigh!!!

I predict a huge fall followed by a lucrative job offer with a major cake baking company.

A psychic predicts the discovery of gluten.

'The recurring poor enrollment prognostications plays havoc with our school district's budget. What will next year's enrolment be.'

Fortune teller using a computer rather than traditional methods

"I think the lines down!"

"Coco, stop eating your food properly and play with it like your brothers!"

The Banana Crime

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

"Any kind of election is getting harder to call these days. . ."

'I can see much grief, suffering and misfortune ahead - and you'll always be dogged by extremely bad luck - but, the good news is you're going to live to a very old age!'

'No, no, the pills don't have any medication to improve your balance. You'll just get steadier on your feet by trying to catch pills that are thrown to you.'

STRIP Hambone: Wind up computer

'And not only do we think you were lying when you told us Larry went on a winter vacation, we think you had something to do with it!'

"Today the Federal Reserve announced interest rates will stay the same, but hemlines will rise."

'I met my husband at one of these conventions. You could say it was love at second sight.'

Greece & EU

'Hold you horses! I'm just getting to the good part!'

"With Crystal Protect, we'll monitor your crystal ball to prevent the hack and theft of your clients' fortunes."