Satirical Soothsayer Gifts

Greece & EU

'I see a bright future. You will get on to the Obamacare website soon, have your pre-existing conditions covered, with no lifetime caps.'

British savings accounts

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Priest's 'To do' list.

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

Pie Filling Reader

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

The Ten Really Cool Facts

'Even More Disciples'

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

Justice

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

Lesbians for Christ

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

Bald Man Overcomb

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'