Comical Soothsayer Gifts

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

Pie Filling Reader

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'The Neurosis Pack.'

Dummies for Dummies.

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

New from Lockdown Press

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

"Gorg, you've got to let yourself evolve!"

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

Self Help: Get To Know Yourself/Get To Unknow Yourself

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

'Right. Like I'd tell YOU.'

Before becoming the legend that he is today, Nostradamus first enjoyed a pretty good living at the tracks.

Protesting man's sign reveals that his credit has run out.

I predict a huge fall followed by a lucrative job offer with a major cake baking company.

Oh, oh... I detect traces of tree nuts... where's my epipen?

"It's easy. The first step is to entirely change who you are."

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

EAT HAY LOVE One Horse's Search for Everything

'I can see much grief, suffering and misfortune ahead - and you'll always be dogged by extremely bad luck - but, the good news is you're going to live to a very old age!'

"Ok, here's another one about antibiotics. . ."

"Any kind of election is getting harder to call these days. . ."

"Don't think of them as fleas. Think of them as your entourage!"

'Don't trust people Billy, they'll only hurt you.'

"Today the Federal Reserve announced interest rates will stay the same, but hemlines will rise."

Idiots guide to being an idiot.

"You knew I was free range when you met me."

Acupuncture Treatment Room. My acupuncturist used placebos on me today.

Cat Self-Help Support Group

"I asked You, in the nicest possible way, to make me a better person, but apparently You couldn't be bothered."