Silly Soothsayer Pillows

Pie Filling Reader

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

Cheap amusement with... THE HAPPY COUPLE!

Witch: 'I've mellowed. Instead of black, do you have a gray cat?'

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

The Gong

'There is a kid at school who can play 'Jingle Bells' with his farts. That is impressive because flatulence is a difficult medium.'

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

"Professor Zlata! You're just in time to be the planet Neptune!"

Before becoming the legend that he is today, Nostradamus first enjoyed a pretty good living at the tracks.

Hazardous substance - ignitable, corrosive, reactive, toxic, real smelly, yucchy.

I predict a huge fall followed by a lucrative job offer with a major cake baking company.

End of world nigh!!!

Protesting man's sign reveals that his credit has run out.

'The recurring poor enrollment prognostications plays havoc with our school district's budget. What will next year's enrolment be.'

"Coco, stop eating your food properly and play with it like your brothers!"

'I can see much grief, suffering and misfortune ahead - and you'll always be dogged by extremely bad luck - but, the good news is you're going to live to a very old age!'

Fortune teller using a computer rather than traditional methods

"I think the lines down!"

"Any kind of election is getting harder to call these days. . ."

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

The Banana Crime

STRIP Hambone: Wind up computer

'And not only do we think you were lying when you told us Larry went on a winter vacation, we think you had something to do with it!'

'I met my husband at one of these conventions. You could say it was love at second sight.'

'Hold you horses! I'm just getting to the good part!'

Greece & EU

"Today the Federal Reserve announced interest rates will stay the same, but hemlines will rise."

"With Crystal Protect, we'll monitor your crystal ball to prevent the hack and theft of your clients' fortunes."

'But will you still respect me in the morning?'