School Report Time Gifts

'We need to start working more closely to try to improve these grades. Do you have my office number?'

'Can you say 'try the patience of a saint' in a note from a public school?'

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

'You know what they say - 'Those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to go to summer school.''

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

"Remember, history was easier back in your day. There's so much more of it now."

"I was finishing my homework in the shower to save time!"

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"How would I explain the 'D' in debate class? Probably not very well."

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."

Parent Involvement Tip #1

"You told me not to bring home another bad report card so I brought home Billy's."

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

'How could you flunk multiplication?'

'Columbus might not have sailed over the edge, but I did.'

"I don't need your help with my homework. Actually, I was a little disappointed with your work last time."

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

"Getting good grades isn't enough, son. You also need to bring in new clients."

'Mistakes were made...'

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

"I'm the innocent victim. School has gotten harder, and my cell phone has gotten dumber."

'I'm bright enough. I just don't have the right connections.'

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

'Here's my report card and here's my personal disclaimer.'

"This isn't bad. Ten per cent all A's."

"Your school report is brilliant! It's going straight into the fireproof box for safe keeping..."

'I got an 'A' in munitions.'

"When I hear the word mathematics I immediately think of three things. Boring and useless."

'It's not my fault. Bad grades wouldn't matter if I had been born rich.'

'Explain to us, son, how gaining nine A levels is uncool and damages your street cred.'

"Can't you just look at the pictures,daddy? Some of us have to get up for school in the morning!"

Our staff are very pleased, she's one of the brightest in her class. (What do you expect? I'm a genius!) I don't know where she gets it from...