School Report Card Day Gifts

'Sure the grades are bad, but on the bright side I'm achieving consistency in my academic brand.'

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'You know what they say - 'Those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to go to summer school.''

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

"Remember, history was easier back in your day. There's so much more of it now."

"I was finishing my homework in the shower to save time!"

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

"These fourth grade marks are confusing...I got a B on the assignment, so is that like a smiley face or a star?"

"How would I explain the 'D' in debate class? Probably not very well."

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"You told me not to bring home another bad report card so I brought home Billy's."

Parent Involvement Tip #1

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

'How could you flunk multiplication?'

'Columbus might not have sailed over the edge, but I did.'

"I don't need your help with my homework. Actually, I was a little disappointed with your work last time."

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

'Mistakes were made...'

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

'I'm bright enough. I just don't have the right connections.'

"I'm the innocent victim. School has gotten harder, and my cell phone has gotten dumber."

'Here's my report card and here's my personal disclaimer.'

'The ‘class clown' thing is my fault. I totally misjudged the crowd.'

"You belong to a Dungeons and Dragons group, you're a committed Goth, and you're failing Medieval History?!"

'I got an 'A' in munitions.'

"When I hear the word mathematics I immediately think of three things. Boring and useless."

"Your school report is brilliant! It's going straight into the fireproof box for safe keeping..."

"This isn't bad. Ten per cent all A's."

'Be advised the information herein may not be current and is subject to change. Past performance is not necessarily indicative of future results.'

''Excellent','excellent','a delight' - for heaven's sake, don't you ever feel like rebelling a bit?'