School Report Collector Gifts

"I got a gold star for having the highest credit score in my class."

"How would I explain the 'D' in debate class? Probably not very well."

"I started a collection!"

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

Parent Involvement Tip #1

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

'Well, so my grades are A,B,C,D... at least I'm learning my alphabet.'

"Getting good grades isn't enough, son. You also need to bring in new clients."

'Just tell him you mind your teacher and do your lessons. You don't have to prove it.'

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

"When I hear the word mathematics I immediately think of three things. Boring and useless."

'I didn't do well in geography. I guess you had to be there.'

"You're a veteran, right grandpa? Maybe you can help me with my school report...what was General George Washington really like?"

"The latest car safety data is in, and it's still really really bad to crash into things."

'This wouldn't have happened if you'd saved to send me to a private school.'

"I must be out of memory"

'I'm very creative and creative people are not afraid to fail.'

"'C-minus'? -- I'd like to speak to your supervisor!"

'Before you look at that, you should know I found an old report card of yours in the attic.'

I WILL NOT COMMENT ON MS. STEMPEL'S WART

"It's a report card, not a credit card -- you don't get cash back."

"Actually, Dad, the 'D' in math is from when you helped me with my homework."

My child was student of the month...But that was a long time ago.

"That was terrible. Deeply flawed. Full of crap. Now read it to me again."

"Hear ye...the reading of the cvs receipt."

"So this is why you ate your spinach and wanted seconds at dinner!"

The cake was great and the icecream was delicious, but deep down inside, he knew that some day his parents would discover that 'f' wasn't for 'fantastic', and then none of it would be worth it.

Teacher to parent: 'He's been transferred from Detention to a Minimum Security Facility.'

'We decided to give you cash for your birthday, so please give me a receipt.'

'But I thought you would be pleased-an 'A' plus in sex education,Dad!'

Two Christmas Stockings - One for Presents, One for Receipts

'Hey Doreen - Justin has got 95% for truancy!'

Point of order.

"Here's my report card. If you have any questions I'll be sitting in the corner."

'You have vested interest in me. You should rescue yourself!'