School Report Reviewer Gifts

'You have vested interest in me. You should rescue yourself!'

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

'Your report card grades are poor. Maybe you should stop building model airplanes. The glue is getting to you.'

"These fourth grade marks are confusing...I got a B on the assignment, so is that like a smiley face or a star?"

"How would I explain the 'D' in debate class? Probably not very well."

Parent Involvement Tip #1

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"Getting good grades isn't enough, son. You also need to bring in new clients."

'Mistakes were made...'

"All As? Are you hacking into the school's records again?"

At the Penguin fishing school: 'Gunvald has set the bar kind of high, gang!'

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

"What - you got As in Maths, Nature, Science and English? Son, haven't you watched the news or looked online - if you want to succeed nowadays you have to be dumb as dirt!"

"Sure you can see my report card but I'll have to charge you for shipping and handling."

'Straight A's. That means good.'

"When I hear the word mathematics I immediately think of three things. Boring and useless."

"I won't do the 'What I did on my summer vacation' assignment. I consider it a privacy issue."

"It may not be a good report card but I'm working with the genes you dealt me."

"I don't want your teacher to think a kid with grades this bad....could possibly have a father who could read or write."

'An F in English, a C- in history, a D in arithmatic, an A+ in Sex Education!'

At least you got a 'works well with food grade' in lunchroom.

"You're a veteran, right grandpa? Maybe you can help me with my school report...what was General George Washington really like?"

'This wouldn't have happened if you'd saved to send me to a private school.'

'I would probably do a lot better if you would just teach me stuff I already know.'

"I must be out of memory"

'I'm very creative and creative people are not afraid to fail.'

"'C-minus'? -- I'd like to speak to your supervisor!"

The Illusion of School Choice

"Mom, don't believe it. It's Fake News."

"Actually, Dad, the 'D' in math is from when you helped me with my homework."

"Are you sure you didn't just take my answers out of context?"

"So this is why you ate your spinach and wanted seconds at dinner!"

"At least you're not afraid to fail."