School Report Analyst Gifts

"Getting good grades isn't enough, son. You also need to bring in new clients."

"I know my grades are straight 'Cs,' but don't I get some credit for consistency?"

Charities should investigate whether published reports are 'Misleadingly Positive'.

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

"How would I explain the 'D' in debate class? Probably not very well."

Parent Involvement Tip #1

"If what you don't know can't hurt you, I'm safe from math, English, history, and science."

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

'I would have had these reports done sooner, but someone rolled a ball with a bell inside it into my cubicle.'

"I'm the victim of negative advertising."

"When I hear the word mathematics I immediately think of three things. Boring and useless."

'So, you see, Dad, if we compare our overall school performance, I'm actually doing better than you did at my age.'

'See, this is proof that your criticism of our educational system is right on!'

"I can never seem to get my report in on time!"

'But, there must be some mistake. I don't want to buy the school.'

The meaning of life...

"While it's true most of my grades have gone down, most were on low volume."

"You're a veteran, right grandpa? Maybe you can help me with my school report...what was General George Washington really like?"

Stressed woman tries to sleep knowing her status report for 48 projects is due in the morning.

'The new boss really liked my report. He just patted me on my back!'

'This is just my part in the growing crisis in education.'

Teacher said the C's she put face up indicate slight improvement.

"We're trying to get staff to be more creative in their report writing." "I call this my dance of the fourth quarters client satisfaction survey."

'This wouldn't have happened if you'd saved to send me to a private school.'

"I must be out of memory"

'I'm very creative and creative people are not afraid to fail.'

"'C-minus'? -- I'd like to speak to your supervisor!"

'With the school's dire budget problems, we're now teaching math by charging ten dollars for the course, as well as the same amount for each of your other classes'

'The teacher thinks I'm good at putting thoughts into words. See where it says 'talks in class'?'

"Actually, Dad, the 'D' in math is from when you helped me with my homework."

"So this is why you ate your spinach and wanted seconds at dinner!"

The cake was great and the icecream was delicious, but deep down inside, he knew that some day his parents would discover that 'f' wasn't for 'fantastic', and then none of it would be worth it.

Crowded Schools

'But I thought you would be pleased-an 'A' plus in sex education,Dad!'