School Report Savvy Gifts

"Actually, Dad, the 'D' in math is from when you helped me with my homework."

"We thought this was more realistic."

"How would I explain the 'D' in debate class? Probably not very well."

Parent Involvement Tip #1

"Getting good grades isn't enough, son. You also need to bring in new clients."

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

"I'm going to the school board meeting."

"When I hear the word mathematics I immediately think of three things. Boring and useless."

'I didn't write the report. I printed it directly from the Internet, but I did all of the stapling and collating myself.'

'I don't want to make you feel bad, but I got four stars.'

'Of course, like everything for kids, some assembly is required.'

"I won it for being lice-free."

'We need to start working more closely to try to improve these grades. Do you have my office number?'

"You're a veteran, right grandpa? Maybe you can help me with my school report...what was General George Washington really like?"

'This wouldn't have happened if you'd saved to send me to a private school.'

"I must be out of memory"

'I'm very creative and creative people are not afraid to fail.'

"'C-minus'? -- I'd like to speak to your supervisor!"

'I didn't run for class president because I was unsure if your credit rating could stand the scrutiny.'

"It's a note from my teacher...heavily redacted."

"Mom, don't believe it. It's Fake News."

"So this is why you ate your spinach and wanted seconds at dinner!"

The cake was great and the icecream was delicious, but deep down inside, he knew that some day his parents would discover that 'f' wasn't for 'fantastic', and then none of it would be worth it.

'But I thought you would be pleased-an 'A' plus in sex education,Dad!'

"I got a gold star for having the highest credit score in my class."

'Sure the grades are bad, but on the bright side I'm achieving consistency in my academic brand.'

"Here's my report card. If you have any questions I'll be sitting in the corner."

'Principal McWit, I don't care how much you interfaced, interacted, coordinated, arranged, or organized last month. Just tell me how many students passed their standardized tests?'

'You have vested interest in me. You should rescue yourself!'

'Can you say 'try the patience of a saint' in a note from a public school?'

'I prefer to spend my time in less didactic pursuits.'

Teacher's Lounge: 'Do Not Enter' sign aimed at children.

"Here's my report card. You'll be glad to know passing math is now number one on my bucket list."

"I know my grades are straight 'Cs,' but don't I get some credit for consistency?"

"It's my school report, I've redacted the bits that might make you feel uncomfortable."