School Savvy Gifts

'I didn't write the report. I printed it directly from the Internet, but I did all of the stapling and collating myself.'

'Of course, like everything for kids, some assembly is required.'

"I won it for being lice-free."

'Principal McWit, I don't care how much you interfaced, interacted, coordinated, arranged, or organized last month. Just tell me how many students passed their standardized tests?'

'You don't get the spin with him.'

"It's official, the back-to-school honeymoon is over."

'I didn't run for class president because I was unsure if your credit rating could stand the scrutiny.'

"We thought this was more realistic."

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

You wrote a book report on a video game instruction manual?

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

"I really love school. There's only one problem. I think not having a college degree is holding me back."

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

"So you're interested in medicine, public relations, business, contract negotiations and insurance law? Which one will you study in school?"

"It's Labor Day! The unofficial last day of summer!"

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

"But why can't I bring him to class? He's my therapy toad!"

"Finally...school starts next week."

'He's an attorney. He came with the software package, to verify software licensing compliance.'

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

'It's ok Billy . . .I won a bet with principal Jones!'

To get past the gates of Heaven you have to now enter an internet style password

'From here I can monitor world stocks, or attend overseas teleconferences, unfortunately I can't get out though because the door's stuck.'

"Get real Dad, those are LAST years colors!"

"Have you heard something that the rest of us don't know about?"

The first unfriendly takeover

High School

"He's gonna be bad for business."

'Boy, am I in trubbal.'

"Sometimes I don't think you're listening to me!"

'I know I can train them to be thoughtful productive citizens if I can ever get past sit.'

'Sir, there's a taxpayer who knows his rights, to see you.'

Portrait artist drawing DNA patterns.