Report Card Time Gifts

'The good news is these grades are not good enough for me to get into an expensive college.'

Girl to mom about report card: 'Second grade is hard because all of my training was in the first grade.'

"She's a much better guesser than I am...but I am just guessing."

'It's not my fault! My dad channel surfs constantly!'

"I don't need your help with my homework. Actually, I was a little disappointed with your work last time."

"Leading report card indicators predict no allowance from my dad this week!"

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

"By the way, the failing grades you'll be seeing-they won't be virtual."

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

"In economics, I got an IOU."

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'You know what they say - 'Those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to go to summer school.''

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

Something tells me it's not going to be a good school report!

"Remember, history was easier back in your day. There's so much more of it now."

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

"I was finishing my homework in the shower to save time!"

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

"These fourth grade marks are confusing...I got a B on the assignment, so is that like a smiley face or a star?"

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"How would I explain the 'D' in debate class? Probably not very well."

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"You told me not to bring home another bad report card so I brought home Billy's."

'Columbus might not have sailed over the edge, but I did.'

'How could you flunk multiplication?'

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

'Well, so my grades are A,B,C,D... at least I'm learning my alphabet.'