Report Card Tickler Gifts

'Report cards are coming out soon. If you're a gambler, take the under.'

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

School. Report Card. You couldn't name the presidents and flunked history? Yeah -- It's not what you know, it's who you know.

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

'You know what they say - 'Those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to go to summer school.''

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

"Remember, history was easier back in your day. There's so much more of it now."

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

"I was finishing my homework in the shower to save time!"

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

"These fourth grade marks are confusing...I got a B on the assignment, so is that like a smiley face or a star?"

"How would I explain the 'D' in debate class? Probably not very well."

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

"You told me not to bring home another bad report card so I brought home Billy's."

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

'How could you flunk multiplication?'

'Columbus might not have sailed over the edge, but I did.'

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

"I don't need your help with my homework. Actually, I was a little disappointed with your work last time."

'Well, so my grades are A,B,C,D... at least I'm learning my alphabet.'

"I'll need some distracting hilarity on the borders of my quarterly report."

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Just tell him you mind your teacher and do your lessons. You don't have to prove it.'

'Mistakes were made...'

"I'm the innocent victim. School has gotten harder, and my cell phone has gotten dumber."

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

'I'm bright enough. I just don't have the right connections.'