Report Card Reformer Gifts

"Mrs Hill, I'm calling to tell you that you got an F on Stewie's history essay..."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

"These fourth grade marks are confusing...I got a B on the assignment, so is that like a smiley face or a star?"

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

'Well, so my grades are A,B,C,D... at least I'm learning my alphabet.'

'I figured if 1 is good for milk, why not schoolwork, too?'

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Just tell him you mind your teacher and do your lessons. You don't have to prove it.'

"If what you don't know can't hurt you, I'm safe from math, English, history, and science."

'Mistakes were made...'

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

"All As? Are you hacking into the school's records again?"

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

"Sure you can see my report card but I'll have to charge you for shipping and handling."

At the Penguin fishing school: 'Gunvald has set the bar kind of high, gang!'

'Straight A's. That means good.'

"I'm the victim of negative advertising."

'So what is the consulting that you got an 'A' for?'

"It's good for you. It has lots of vitamin D."

"Math would have been a 'A' if you factor in the fudge factor. I got caught fudging on the final."

'So, you see, Dad, if we compare our overall school performance, I'm actually doing better than you did at my age.'

"What the hell happened in P.E.?"

'I didn't do well in geography. I guess you had to be there.'

"It may not be a good report card but I'm working with the genes you dealt me."

'Miss Harrison said it's a better report than the ones you used to get when you were in her class.'

'Obviously, the school board is giving an unfair advantage to gifted students.'

'I'm the smartest one in the bottom group.'

'I got an 'A' in abstinence.'