Report Card Season Gifts

"May I remind you that my core worth as a human being remains constant, and isn't tied to external validation."

"I'm the victim of negative advertising."

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

'I don't think of them as bad grades - More like sobering statistics.'

REPORT CARD, 'This is going to be tough to spin.'

'Perhaps this would feel less painful if you try focusing on your own life rather than living vicariously through mine.'

"By the way, the failing grades you'll be seeing-they won't be virtual."

"In economics, I got an IOU."

"I'm experiencing student burnout."

"My homework is not done because our home modem is tool slow for downloading the answers."

"Well, Timmy is a raven: they are always very smart! You being second is a great achievement!"

Something tells me it's not going to be a good school report!

"Mom, I flunked cursive writing, but I know where to find the font."

"Hey, mom! That 'F' I got in history...my creative writing teacher read it and gave me an 'A'."

"Look at this grade...I just don't get it! Where is this coming from?"

"I can't believe it...I got a 'B' average this year. Do you know what that means?"

"Baldo got a 'B' average on his final report card! Can you believe it?"

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"All As? Are you hacking into the school's records again?"

"But it did take hard work to get my A, B, C and D in that order down the card."

'They kicked you out of the gifted class. You've been regifted.'

'I know he's got a bum report card when he comes in singing 'Nearer my God to Thee'.'

'The good news I got an 'A' in School Lunch.'

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'You know what they say - 'Those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to go to summer school.''

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

"Remember, history was easier back in your day. There's so much more of it now."

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

"I was finishing my homework in the shower to save time!"