School Daze Dweller Gifts

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"I like going to school...and I like coming home from school. It's all the stuff in the middle that gives me trouble."

'Remember, Edward, inside every 'F' student is a 'D' student trying to get out.'

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

"Oh, this old thing?"

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

"In economics, I got an IOU."

In case of emergency, break glass.

"Kindergarten, first grade,second grade, third grade...when do we get to retire?"

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

"You weren't laid off...it's called Summer break."

'I reckon we have grounds for a libel action, don't you?.'

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

Businessman at a bar mad to look like desk. Bartender says: 'The usual, Mr. B?'

'Very good, Jeffrey! - You are so creative!'

Full work boxes: 'IN and MORE IN'.

Student Food Pyramid

'I can't take Barbie to Show and Tell...she doesn't have a thing to wear!'

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

'I've noticed that no matter how busy you are, you are never too busy to stop an talk about how busy you are.'

The weightless office.

'Bring me the Wimbish report and a short worm, Ms Perkins, no time for lunch today.'

'Homework done only $1.00' 'Homework eaten only $0.50'

"Remember, son, no matter what happens to you, we intend to always keep your room at home exactly as it is right now...empty."

Al, The Go-From Guy

"That's what I get for using artificial intelligence."

“Honestly class, where are your minds?!”

"That's our copy cat."

"If you don't wake up and get to work, I'm going to call your mom."

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

"Experience is the wonderful knowledge that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again."