School Commando Gifts

A Lesson in Leadership: Misplacing your keys isn't a problem, unless you have to enlist the whole school's support to find them.

'Why don't you just pull over and let them pass already?!?'

"So, what did you do at charter school today?"

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

The full moon frenzy strikes again."

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

"I can give you a little bit of focus on 2:53 next Thursday."

"If something that doesn't kill me only makes me stronger, then I should be Atlas!"

"Get up at 7; leave for school by 8; no video games until after homework is done -- how about some regulatory relief?"

'Actually, nowadays it's considered offensive to call an answer 'wrong'.'

"I can't tell you how it ended. That would ruin the sequel."

'First semester, you learn the numbers. Second semester, you use them to count the days 'til school is out.'

Teacher's pet dog

'Well, when you mess up on the job, you know where you stand with me.'

Communication Breakdowns

Commando crashes into wall, instead of through window.

'You failed your Latin exam! But Sweety, it's important to learn Latin: All your friends' names have Latin roots...'

'That's the bell for round two.'

"Man! I haven't slept at all since school started!"

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

The Ideal Teacher.

'If I keep bringing diseases home from school, maybe I shouldn't go to school.'

"I said 'I quit'. Nobody listens to me any more."

'Parents have been complaining that I'm too strict? You want me to be a little less intimidating? Do you want me to send students to your office 47 times a day? I'm a 67-year-old woman dealing with 16-year-old thugs....

"I try to get a head start on them."

'Teachers' Dreams.''Did you just say F***? Care to repeat it so everyone can hear you or is even a four letter word beyond your abilities? ... And the state expects me to make you multisyllabic.'

'I'm not enjoying my childhood, I'm dealing with it.'

'I'd like to overwhelm them with instructional excellence, but I'm not above winning through intimidation.'

"Just teachers' lounge will suffice, Ed."

'There I was, all alone... salesmen to the left of me... salesmen to the right of me... salesmen behind me...'

"You must be doing something wrong ... none of your work has any gold stars on it."

"What is the battle cry for homeschoolers?" Kids: "Go Home!"

'I actually find my Ghillie Suit a better camouflage option than my stripes...'

Wendel maps his trip to the germaphobe society headquarters.

"So, Mrs. Miller, would you tell me briefly your methods for teaching reading, your overall philosophy of education, your views on testing, your ideas on discipline, your opinions about homework, the ways you could excite kids about science, and how you would upgrade math skills in our school should you be hired?"