Classroom Commander Gifts

'First, you have to get their attention.'

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

"Can you help me, Mrs. Green? This wasn't covered in any of my education courses!"

'For throwing spitballs in class, I am sending you to the principle's office. It's nothing personal, It's just a classroom management thing.'

"What do I do? I'm a high stress teacher. I mean a high school teacher."

'Shall we talk about your unacceptable behavior or shall we go directly to the penalty phase?'

"Every year when I begin this unit on the Constitution, I feel I have to make it very clear that the Bill of Rights does not necessarily apply in this classroom."

'Correct...Now do it again, and this time, with feeling.'

'Your opinions are a rephrasing of my opinions. I like that in a subordinate.'

To student teacher: 'First off, always identify and corral the ring leader...'

"This one starts the day here and usually finishes the day up here."

"Some people say my philosophy of teaching is old-school!"

"I'm rooted in humanism but today was a rough day so for a little extra support in managing my class, I put on my intimidating face."

'With a click of a key I can add objectives and a medial summary to each lesson plan. I wish it was that easy to add respect for teachers to each student.'

She's been teaching too long!

The Ideal Teacher.

'Come on. It's time to wage education.'

"For the last time, I'm the Principal not the Warden."

'I'd like to overwhelm them with instructional excellence, but I'm not above winning through intimidation.'

'I don't teach my students about the Bill of Rights any more -- it just makes them unruly.'

There is no delete key. You have to use the board eraser.

I think you're capable of doing better work, too!

'If you didn't read the assigned chapters, fess up now before I use my years of experience to weed you out.'

"Just teachers' lounge will suffice, Ed."

'I switched from yoga to visualization, for relaxation. I picture a world in which all students with discipline problems attend my class online, from their homes.'

I am homeschooling you. That doesn't mean you can misbehave in class. If you keep calling out, I'll have to call your mother and report my concerns to myself.

"I said 'I quit'. Nobody listens to me any more."

'Well, when you mess up on the job, you know where you stand with me.'

"Dad, I misbehaved at school again, so my teacher sent me home with a bill for her therapy."

Teaching Tolerance.

"I try to get a head start on them."

Give your teacher an apple, and appreciation, gratitude, respect.

"So, Mrs. Miller, would you tell me briefly your methods for teaching reading, your overall philosophy of education, your views on testing, your ideas on discipline, your opinions about homework, the ways you could excite kids about science, and how you would upgrade math skills in our school should you be hired?"

Teacher's pet dog

The full moon frenzy strikes again."