School Catchment Strategist Gifts

'Stop complaining. It's the only way you can afford to live in the school catchment area.'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

Fisherman Evolution: They have evolved over the years with three distinct species...the largest of these is the coarse fisherman.

"By reading my note, you acknowledge having read and agreed to my Privacy Policy and Terms of Use."

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

'Can I hand in my report tomorrow. Ms. D'Amato? I haven't finished reading the book. I've been too busy coloring it.'

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

"All right, what's it going to take to make this homework go away?"

"We were running late, so my mom faxed me to school."

'Stewart, why is the handwriting on your mom's last two attendance notes different?'

'First she called my mother, and then she called Santa.'

'You're being evacuated to a better catchment area.'

'That's the bell for round two.'

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

2000 words was tough, but doable. Billy would play the picture paints a 1000 words card, twice!

'I don't have a dog, but I do have a dog app that eats my homework.'

"Mom, no more apples for teacher. It looks like bribery."

'I don't know what made Ms. Doan think I was running in the hall.'

"Homework is work, and work without breaks is a federal offense that can be reported to the labor board."

'So, you see, Dad, if we compare our overall school performance, I'm actually doing better than you did at my age.'

"I try to get a head start on them."

Kid sheltering from rain inside a vault box.

'Be advised the information herein may not be current and is subject to change. Past performance is not necessarily indicative of future results.'

'C'mon, it's only up to your knees!'

Principal with 'budget cuts' in-tray and 'creative solutions' out-tray.

"If you need help with your homework ask your father...and he'll ask me."

'Take this back to the committee. Since this is a school I would like the mission statement to mention education.'

'Obviously, the school board is giving an unfair advantage to gifted students.'