Schemer Supreme Gifts

The grand scheme

"I didn't finish the proof but I did write this poem about my struggle."

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

Meet the Shameless Self-Promoter 2 PM

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

"It's a setup."

'Just tell him you've been good. Don't overdo it.'

"Doing chores is very stimulating. I'm always thinking of ways to avoid them."

Gracie hatches a plan to trap Santa.

"My reasons for asking for a raise are wholly unselfish. I wish to marry your daughter!"

"May I have your attention? For Christmas, all I want is for everyone to write a note on how smart, charming and social I am. I'm collecting college reference letters before I enter my terrible teens."

A trap for Santa

'This new ruling on bankers pay has really thrown the cat among the pigeons...'

'No, but next week, the fireworks start in earnest.'

'We're looking to expand our globalization into countries that don't extradite.'

'So! THis is what you do all day.'

Revenge on Santa

'And...?'

"Keep an eye on that Santa...I think he might be a damned headhunter!"

The Groundhog didn't see his shadow...because the superdome lights were out.

'Your teacher called and said the school concert tickets you sold me for $20 were free.'

A road side billboard advertises: 'bus drivers eat-free' a man is seen rigging a false panel that looks like a bus to his caravan.

"The lab boys figured out how to change lead into gold. Now your job is to corner the lead market."

"Our plan for world domination starts with the chew toys."

'Now THAT's what I call an innovative business plan!'

'He tells his missus he only pops in here for a little piece and quiet!'

It would've worked too, if his idiot partner hadn't switched on the exhaust fan.

Garage Sale

Security Guard Catches Smoker

'I thought about burning the palace down for the insurance, but I couldn't afford the petrol.'

Fish trapping a bigger fish.