Adorable Schemer Gifts

"May I have your attention? For Christmas, all I want is for everyone to write a note on how smart, charming and social I am. I'm collecting college reference letters before I enter my terrible teens."

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

"Well, I finally figured out why we were going to the vet so often for check ups! He finally plucked up the courage to ask her out!"

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

"It's a setup."

Ceiling Paint

No Miss, I wasn't day dreaming. I was planning my summer vacation!

"I was sick - sick in Hawaii."

"Doing chores is very stimulating. I'm always thinking of ways to avoid them."

Valentine Comix

'Danae...you seem to spend twice the time and energy in avoiding your schoolwork than it would take to actually do the work...How far do you expect that'll get you in life?'

Old man stealing sand from a sand box for child

'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

Boy standing on 'The Joy of Sex' book.

Robert Macaire as a Matrimonial Agent

"This is an imaginative expenses claim. I wish we could use those skills of yours in the business."

"I was thinking more of a leap-year wedding."

Agent with security case proposes to girlfriend with ring that has a tiny security case chained to it.

'We're looking to expand our globalization into countries that don't extradite.'

Fake it with Flowers.

"If I do that to my own Barbie, imagine what might happen to a tattle-tale."

"Are there any security cameras in the basement?"

"Before I say yes, my dad, who is a notary, wants to ask you about your plans for our future."

'Oh no! It's you again, madam!'

A road side billboard advertises: 'bus drivers eat-free' a man is seen rigging a false panel that looks like a bus to his caravan.

"When I win the lottery, I'll be an agent of goodness...giving every last penny to needy children, the homeless, and the sick and destitute of the world."

'Now THAT's what I call an innovative business plan!'

"Now, do you see why I discourage employee fraternization, Tom!"

"Our plan for world domination starts with the chew toys."

Rover's Cake

"It would be cool if we cooked up a couple of these at your place where nobody could see us."

"The lab boys figured out how to change lead into gold. Now your job is to corner the lead market."

'Your teacher called and said the school concert tickets you sold me for $20 were free.'