Adorable Schemer T-Shirts

"May I have your attention? For Christmas, all I want is for everyone to write a note on how smart, charming and social I am. I'm collecting college reference letters before I enter my terrible teens."

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

"Well, I finally figured out why we were going to the vet so often for check ups! He finally plucked up the courage to ask her out!"

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

"It's a setup."

Ceiling Paint

No Miss, I wasn't day dreaming. I was planning my summer vacation!

"I was sick - sick in Hawaii."

"So you want to hide it from other squirrels by presented to deposit it in savings, then taking it back and putting it in a secret account?"

Old man stealing sand from a sand box for child

Valentine Comix

"Doing chores is very stimulating. I'm always thinking of ways to avoid them."

'Danae...you seem to spend twice the time and energy in avoiding your schoolwork than it would take to actually do the work...How far do you expect that'll get you in life?'

'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

Boy standing on 'The Joy of Sex' book.

Agent with security case proposes to girlfriend with ring that has a tiny security case chained to it.

"This is an imaginative expenses claim. I wish we could use those skills of yours in the business."

'We're looking to expand our globalization into countries that don't extradite.'

"I was thinking more of a leap-year wedding."

Robert Macaire as a Matrimonial Agent

Fake it with Flowers.

"If I do that to my own Barbie, imagine what might happen to a tattle-tale."

"So, if you could date anyone, who would it be?"

"Are there any security cameras in the basement?"

"Before I say yes, my dad, who is a notary, wants to ask you about your plans for our future."

"The lab boys figured out how to change lead into gold. Now your job is to corner the lead market."

'Now THAT's what I call an innovative business plan!'

'Your teacher called and said the school concert tickets you sold me for $20 were free.'

"Now, do you see why I discourage employee fraternization, Tom!"

"I ask for nothing but your company."

"It would be cool if we cooked up a couple of these at your place where nobody could see us."

'Oh no! It's you again, madam!'

"I lost my hunger a long time ago, but luckily, I found my greed."

Rover's Cake