Comedic Schemer T-Shirts

Visual Gag: An about to be married Bride using a real train as a wedding gown train

"Well, I finally figured out why we were going to the vet so often for check ups! He finally plucked up the courage to ask her out!"

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

'Whenever I want to cut my lesson short, I ask the music teacher if she has any hip-hop music for the violin.'

'The cannon will go off every 20 minutes just to make sure you're paying attention,'

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

'I'm sick and tired of you and your 'get rich quick' schemes.'

Jumble Sale

"It's a setup."

'You have a 9:00 A.M. appointment with your ophthalmologist to check your vision and a 11:00 A.M. appointment with the staff to rally the troops around your vision.'

'It wasn't the strength of your argument. It was your breath.'

Jeff makes some nice jugs.

'It's bad enough I get overrules at home... why here also, Sharon?'

'You'r either having trouble hearing, or there's a boy you want to be closer to.'

"Doing chores is very stimulating. I'm always thinking of ways to avoid them."

Rollercoaster police chase.

Valentine Comix

'So you say, 'Tom, how do I become filthy rich?' Why, that's easy. By scamming others the way I'm about to scam you.'

'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

Old man stealing sand from a sand box for child

'You mean if I want extra money I have to go to work? That's your job, dad.'

Boy standing on 'The Joy of Sex' book.

"This is an imaginative expenses claim. I wish we could use those skills of yours in the business."

Robert Macaire as a Matrimonial Agent

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'

Spider Facts.

"May I have your attention? For Christmas, all I want is for everyone to write a note on how smart, charming and social I am. I'm collecting college reference letters before I enter my terrible teens."

'Find out if she would have like me if I hadn't asked so many people.'

Agent with security case proposes to girlfriend with ring that has a tiny security case chained to it.

"I was thinking more of a leap-year wedding."

'I've hired this musician to play a sad melody while I give you a sob story why I didn't do my homework. It's actually quite effective.'