Romantic Schemer T-Shirts

'Barry, you really should try and think of another way to meet that lovely nurse again.'

'We have to stop meeting like this...but, eye love you!'

Boy standing on 'The Joy of Sex' book.

Fake it with Flowers.

"Before I say yes, my dad, who is a notary, wants to ask you about your plans for our future."

"I asked my husband if he remembers what today is ... scaring men is easy."

"Of course I'm thinking of you Beloved."

"So, if you could date anyone, who would it be?"

"Can I have your autograph?"

"Now, do you see why I discourage employee fraternization, Tom!"

'I know you're a temp. I'm only looking for a temporary liaison.'

"Tell her you're impotent and she'll she'll try to prove you wrong."

Valentine Comix

"I ask for nothing but your company."

Office Romance

'The dating website just asked for a recent photo. It didn't say it had to be one of me.'

"Well, I finally figured out why we were going to the vet so often for check ups! He finally plucked up the courage to ask her out!"

'Oh no! It's you again, madam!'

'What would you do if you five dates with the same chap and he never kissed you? I'd lie about it.'

"It would help diversify your portfolio."

Little boy identifies a visitor as someone he saw kissing his older sister in secret

"I was thinking more of a leap-year wedding."

Rudy, I think you're ready for more responsibilities. You mean you want me to handle our suppliers? You want me to go to Colombia and oversee the coffee bean supply chain? You want to give me an expense account? I want you to scope out our patrons and alert me if any of them seem to be good fits for me romantically. But don't let them know you're running credit and background checks on them. It could ruin the mood. Very bad man.

I'm not sure the advice you gave me about Andrea Wheaton is working, Mr. Armstrong. Details. I asked her to form a romantic partnership, just like you said, where she'd be a 50% sharehoarder. ShareHOLDer. She didn't bite? She threw the prospectus in the trash. If a girl throws your prospectus in the trash, she's not the girl for you.

"I'm having a Thanksgiving get-together, Mort, but my date's bringing her grandma. Want to come along to keep her company?" "I'm avoiding Thanksgiving this year." "I hear there's an awful turkey-borne illness going around. Best to play it safe." "Turkey? Who said anything about turkey? I'm serving the patented "Randy 'The Rock' Taylor's Sexy Holiday Meal." "A dozen oysters, chocolate chunks, red wine, and Marvin Gaye playing softly in the background. Be there at 4:30." "Sorry, that's p

"Skip the part how you made it - how are you going to spend it?"

"It would be cool if we cooked up a couple of these at your place where nobody could see us."

Robert Macaire as a Matrimonial Agent

Husband planing to place sedative herbs in the herbarium of his wife's lover

'Sis is in the bathroom - how much is it worth to unlock the door?'

"....How do you feel about men posing as reporters to pick up women?"

Agent with security case proposes to girlfriend with ring that has a tiny security case chained to it.

'Can I interest you in a lunch blitz?'

'I'm sure you'll have a wonderful evening, I've heard some awful things about him.'

'To be honest, I don't know if it was your millions, or your dashing good looks that made me fall for you, Herman!'