Creative Schemer Gifts

A road side billboard advertises: 'bus drivers eat-free' a man is seen rigging a false panel that looks like a bus to his caravan.

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

"Well, I finally figured out why we were going to the vet so often for check ups! He finally plucked up the courage to ask her out!"

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'You're closer to the Big Guy than anyone. Will you help us kill him?'

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

"Do you call this a business plan?"

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

"It's a setup."

'let's see if we can find any loopholes in this 'honesty-is-the-best-policy' nonsense.'

'Do you want to be red Tory or blue Labour?'

'Damn, I just love this new problem solving tool!'

"I've come up with all the right words for our new sales strategy, now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

"So you want to hide it from other squirrels by presented to deposit it in savings, then taking it back and putting it in a secret account?"

'We've decided to foreclose on Paraguay, Ferguson -- Get down there and take the place over.'

"Look, let's just say I haven't seen anything, Charlie hasn't heard anything, and Tom hasn't said anything."

"We're fighting them in zone A, they're our allies in zone B, and we don't know what to do in zone C."

"One is a sham bag for my parents to confiscate."

"We love your results. We're just a weeny bit concerned about your methods."

"Boss, there's a rumor going around that someone lost a $1,000 bill in the cafe. There are like 200 people out there." "Interesting. And I assume they're all looking for the $1,000 bill. I assume they don't want anyone else to know about it before they find it." "I assume each of them is buying our food and drink so the others won't suspect they're here with ulterior motives." "I wonder who could have possibly spread such a rumor in the first place?" "Very bad man."

"Just take the free kick, and stop wasting time."

'While Dewey distracts the defense, the quarterback simply jogs into the end zone untouched.'

Old man stealing sand from a sand box for child

Valentine Comix

"So, are we singing from the same hymnbook?"

'I'm getting ready for mating season.'