Strategic Schemer Gifts

Successful business man

'I tell ya, that was sheer genius getting those flimsy chairs for the waiting area! We've been selling a ton of diet pills.'

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

'I'm always thinking of my fellow man - that's how I stay ahead of him.'

Days Of Conquest

Marketing pitch produces old cliches.

"Sell a person a fish, she eats for a day. Teach a person how to fish, you ruin a good business opportunity."

I still say he's just trying to drum up business for his flood insurance company.

'Do you want to be red Tory or blue Labour?'

'Maybe we should wait until after we've won all that money playing poker until we tell the boss where to go...'

"So that's a win-win. Except for you."

Gerald is convinced that not paying any taxes is the best revenge

"For what we are about to receive...."

"It helps when he calls it a 'business plan.'"

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'You're closer to the Big Guy than anyone. Will you help us kill him?'

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

CEO Escape

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

'...and, if your idea is so imaginative, innovative and original, why aren't our competitors doing it?'

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

"Do you call this a business plan?"

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

Office Canteen: 'Getting in a consultant is win-win for us... we'll get the credit if it's a success - but, if it all goes wrong, we've got someone else to blame!'

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

'We're seeking a safe tax haven for our investments.'

"It's a setup."

'let's see if we can find any loopholes in this 'honesty-is-the-best-policy' nonsense.'