Strategy Schemer Gifts

'Boswell, it's been brought to my attention that your hidden agenda is in direct conflict with my hidden agenda.'

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

"We're fighting them in zone A, they're our allies in zone B, and we don't know what to do in zone C."

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

'If my plan succeeds we can stop worrying about money...'- 'And start worrying about going to jail.'

Defense VS Offense

"Check-mate! Caught you on another pawn site!"

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

"Just take the free kick, and stop wasting time."

"Yes, I gave him enough rope, and NO, he didn't hang himself!"

"Do you call this a business plan?"

'Oh, that's Dan, the congressman's right AND left hand man'

COWS: Cow chess

"Not only are you a cheat, the instructions to this Sim Game describes you as duplicitous, mendacious, disingenuous..."

'Pop up Book of Covert Warfare.'

"Better use the ink wedge."

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

'While Dewey distracts the defense, the quarterback simply jogs into the end zone untouched.'

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

"Boss, there's a rumor going around that someone lost a $1,000 bill in the cafe. There are like 200 people out there." "Interesting. And I assume they're all looking for the $1,000 bill. I assume they don't want anyone else to know about it before they find it." "I assume each of them is buying our food and drink so the others won't suspect they're here with ulterior motives." "I wonder who could have possibly spread such a rumor in the first place?" "Very bad man."

"We love your results. We're just a weeny bit concerned about your methods."

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

Failure/Due Diligence

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'You're closer to the Big Guy than anyone. Will you help us kill him?'

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

CEO Escape

'Diversify, diversify, diversify. Never keep all your eggs in one basket, unless it's Easter.'

"We need to eliminate the middleman."

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

Office Canteen: 'Getting in a consultant is win-win for us... we'll get the credit if it's a success - but, if it all goes wrong, we've got someone else to blame!'