Investment Schemer Gifts

'We're seeking a safe tax haven for our investments.'

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

Smiling businessman with rising profits

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'You're closer to the Big Guy than anyone. Will you help us kill him?'

Man breaks piggy bank to find another smaller piggy bank inside.

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

CEO Escape

"Do you call this a business plan?"

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

Office Canteen: 'Getting in a consultant is win-win for us... we'll get the credit if it's a success - but, if it all goes wrong, we've got someone else to blame!'

'This investment fund idea looks promising, Harlow, but could you think up a catchier name than 'Ponzi Scheme'?'

'The nice thing about America is, no matter how the economy is doing, you can always blame the Chairman of the Federal Reserve.'

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

"She's registered at Salomon Smith Barney."

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

'Do you want to be red Tory or blue Labour?'

'let's see if we can find any loopholes in this 'honesty-is-the-best-policy' nonsense.'

'Damn, I just love this new problem solving tool!'

"I've come up with all the right words for our new sales strategy, now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

"Look, let's just say I haven't seen anything, Charlie hasn't heard anything, and Tom hasn't said anything."

'We've decided to foreclose on Paraguay, Ferguson -- Get down there and take the place over.'

"We're fighting them in zone A, they're our allies in zone B, and we don't know what to do in zone C."

'While Dewey distracts the defense, the quarterback simply jogs into the end zone untouched.'

"Yeah, it's a Christmas tree alright! So, we know exactly where the antelopes will be early morning on Christmas day..."

"So, are we singing from the same hymnbook?"