Profit Schemer Gifts

'How do we make a profit selling shoddy goods? Well, we own the business next door that repairs them.'

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

Signs: Sales, Profit and Media coverage.

ACME Balloon Company.

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

'You're closer to the Big Guy than anyone. Will you help us kill him?'

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

'I need a tool to measure productivity.'

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

"Do you call this a business plan?"

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

'You may have found more new customers than the other salesmen, but your profits are too small! Stop just pulling in peanuts, Barry!'

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

'let's see if we can find any loopholes in this 'honesty-is-the-best-policy' nonsense.'

'Do you want to be red Tory or blue Labour?'

The bucks stop here.

'...All profits are local.'

'Gentlemen, we make money the old-fashioned way, and it's got to STOP!'

'We're seeking a safe tax haven for our investments.'

"I don't think much of their defence."

'Damn, I just love this new problem solving tool!'

"It's important to see 'beyond the obvious' when you look at a customer. . ."

"In keeping with my promise to spread the wealth, I'm giving you all a bigger piece of the pie."

Piggy bank...cash cow.