Bonus Schemer Gifts

'This new ruling on bankers pay has really thrown the cat among the pigeons...'

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

'But the good news is, I still get a big bonus.'

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

"Do you call this a business plan?"

"It drives me MAD when people whine about the amount top management get paid. . ."

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

"It's a setup."

The ground cracking beneath a banker's feet because his bonus is so big and heavy.

'We're seeking a safe tax haven for our investments.'

No Miss, I wasn't day dreaming. I was planning my summer vacation!

"So you want to hide it from other squirrels by presented to deposit it in savings, then taking it back and putting it in a secret account?"

"We're fighting them in zone A, they're our allies in zone B, and we don't know what to do in zone C."

"One is a sham bag for my parents to confiscate."

Find the failed CEO who got a 200 million dollar bonus while being fired.

"Just take the free kick, and stop wasting time."

'Oh, that's Dan, the congressman's right AND left hand man'

"Doing chores is very stimulating. I'm always thinking of ways to avoid them."

Gracie hatches a plan to trap Santa.

"My reasons for asking for a raise are wholly unselfish. I wish to marry your daughter!"

"We love your results. We're just a weeny bit concerned about your methods."

"Boss, there's a rumor going around that someone lost a $1,000 bill in the cafe. There are like 200 people out there." "Interesting. And I assume they're all looking for the $1,000 bill. I assume they don't want anyone else to know about it before they find it." "I assume each of them is buying our food and drink so the others won't suspect they're here with ulterior motives." "I wonder who could have possibly spread such a rumor in the first place?" "Very bad man."

'Danae...you seem to spend twice the time and energy in avoiding your schoolwork than it would take to actually do the work...How far do you expect that'll get you in life?'

'While Dewey distracts the defense, the quarterback simply jogs into the end zone untouched.'

'Such a small bonus.'

The Evolution of the Bonus

"May I have your attention? For Christmas, all I want is for everyone to write a note on how smart, charming and social I am. I'm collecting college reference letters before I enter my terrible teens."

"Better use the ink wedge."

"I'm moving all the money from our rainy day account into a slush fund."

"Yes, I gave him enough rope, and NO, he didn't hang himself!"